Dream a little Dream..

With the life of a friend in limbo, and my own life in a different sort of limbo, I have an idea of the mental space he was coming from. I did not get the bullies from work or people leaving me, instead I have scorched zone of bare earth around me. Someone I respect very much refuses to speak to me, friend whom I love would rather not be near me. No one is to blame in a situation like this. Some would say the bullies, some would say his friends for not seeing, some would even blame him, himself.He told one person of this intention I hope as he is in his coma that he dreams of beautiful things, his coffee house lit up, music playing and no need to be concerned for the bills, that he finally feels the love and joy he brought to so many people.

For me there is a lesson to be learned in all of this and perhaps and I hope I am not the only one to see it. Loving someone from a distance doesn't work. If you love someone but can't be around them for long periods of time, please check on them, in person. We all have those people, hell we might be one of those people. In a world of twitter, facebook, myspaceand , IM's, we can seem to be a totally different person than the one you look in the eye.

Forgiveness is all the time, but sometimes we need a kick in the rear to remember that forgiveness flows both ways, have you been blocking forgiveness? Or not allowing your self to the freedom to forgive? There are a few of us at the raggedy edge who may need just a kind word or a surprise visit to keep from falling. This is not just about LGBT, this is about our friends and people in general. I cannot get out to see some of you due to doctors orders, but i will start.

For these things and perhaps more i am sorry

*I am sorry I ruined what was a creative and beautiful friendship

*I am sorry in action or in deed I have caused you any form of harm,

*I am sorry for promises broken.

*I am sorry for words that hurt.

*I am sorry I could never be what you wanted or needed.

*I am sorry I am not the woman you wanted.

*I am sorry I could not give you what you wanted or needed

*I am sorry for drifting away.

* I am sorry I may never get better.

*I am sorry for secrets kept.

And for those who may not know yet I am sorry

And the harder part.

I forgive those who have trespassed upon me. All of them.

This message is only for thought purposes, I offer any all clean slate, I know many cannot do that, but everyone has a chance to simply be loved for who they are.

The thought of having another friend feel the need,the utter loneliness, turns my insides out. Know that no matter what has been said in the past I can listen, I can be the shoulder you need, you have a whole group of people that feel the same way.

And maybe one day you can be that shoulder for me.